Trend spotting EXCLUSIVE: the hipster is dead, long live the hipster

In a shocking revelation bound to make dwellers of inner suburbs, not to mention the boutique fashion industry tremble, Samuel Ringbinder, veteran NYC fashionista, style icon and muse has declared the end of fashion as we know it.

In an exclusive interview with RNOW, Ringbinder said that the current hipsters are not hip at all, implying that there are simply too many of them and they’ve become predictable: “let’s just say a dude who looks like he just stepped out of a Jack Kerouac or Mark Twain novel is NOT COOL ANY MORE.”

Adios, spaghetti limbs

The new breed of cool people, provisionally labelled ‘sleepers’ by Ringbinder, will seamlessly blend in with mainstream society, making them virtually indistinguishable from normal people.  Ringbinder says these fashionistas will take things to the next level by looking just lke “your ordinary 42-y.o. accountant” or “hockey fan” essentially saying “screw you, I’m soo freakin cool I won’t even give you the pleasure of deriding me for looking cooler than you”.

Mathematical certainty

Veteran Professor of Mathematics Tyrone Slothrop, who as a young officer studied the distribution German V2 rocket impact sites during the Blitz, recently turned his attention to tracking fashion trends.

“Originally, markers for hipness such as wispy moustaches or improbably skinny limbs would appear in a Poisson-type distribution around the center of major metropolises. However, a year or two ago, this began to undergo what my research team have termed, the ‘Montreal Transition’ and we are now seeing complete saturation of inner suburbs with fixed gear bicycles, ironic footwear and, gosh … the delicious symmetry of it …. WW2 haircuts!” The old models and paradigms no longer apply, according to Slothrop.

Ray of hope for the industry

However, in a sign that all may not be lost for the fashion industry, Ringbinder said that sleepers “will still want to identify with one another and differentiate themselves from the rest. However, this will be through very subtle and nuanced signs. An entirely new nomenclature of dressing … no ‘being’ ….. is being cooked up in NYC, San Francisco …. and Iowa. The industry will just have to smarten up and pick up on the new semiotics.”

Vice Magazine editors Rocco Castoro and Andy Capper were unavailable for comment on whether the emergence of this new ‘trend’ will render the magazine’s popular photo section obsolete.

Deliberately indifferent

Heralding another emerging trend, according to Ringbinder, young up and coming Soho designer Terence Tse is finalizing a facial expression called “deliberate indifference”, which will be sold as ‘fashion’ in exclusive boutiques. The sale will include ‘wearer training’ and bespoke patenting by on-site lawyers.

Terence Tse (seen here not modelling ‘deliberate indifference’)

Interesting times in fashion. RNOW would love to hear from fashionistas out there….

EXCLUSIVE Interview with Samuel Ringbinder, fashion icon

The Real News of the World (RNOW) recently had the unique opportunity to chat with Mr Samuel Ringbinder, said to be the most influential figure in world fashion, on his Australian tour. Mr Ringbinder is said to have ‘mused’ for Madonna, Vogue editor Anna Wintour, and Baz Luhrman among others.

Ringbinder (105) with trademark
knitting needle in situ

RNOW: Welcome, Samuel, to Blackstump Australia and thank you for your time.

SR: No problem, it’s a real shithole…. So I feel right at home.

RNOW: Thanks – that means a lot. You’ve worked with some staggering fashion icons…. Talitha Getty, Yves Sain Laurent … Carla Zampatti …. how old are you?

SR: that would be telling, let’s just say that I mourned the death of Archduke Franz Ferdinand very deeply.

RNOW: Wow. OK. We’ve heard rumours that you’ve heralded the end of ‘hip’ as we know it. Can you explain?

SR: Sure, it’s simple. Everyone’s cool these days, so it’s no longer hip. These so called ‘hipsters’ you see around Brooklyn or the East village, they’re a dime a dozen and are kidding themselves if they think copying each other’s styles ad nauseum makes them cool. The true hipsters these days are ‘silent’.

RNOW: Please explain what you mean by ‘silent’.

SR: Well, you know, these new guys adopt a ‘look’ that cannot be distinguished from normal, uncool people. My current circle of friends dress in a way that ensures if they, per chance get transported to any fly-over state or commuter suburb of New York or Chicago, they’d blend in perfectly. We’ve got a guy who dresses like a 42 year old accountant… chinos, sensible shoes, middle tier polo – tucked in, non-descript haircut. That sort of thing. Another dresses like a hockey fan. I tell you, the way he pulls off a mullet without it looking ‘ironic’ is simply poetry in motion…genius.

 A typical hockey fan. NY fashion week will never be the same.

RNOW: OK, so let us get this straight, this isn’t people deliberately trying to look daggy… there are so many girls around Blackstump, quite attractive girls, who insist on making themselves look as unappealing as possible…. Bad haircuts, doll shoes, stockings, long frilly dresses – sometimes I feel like I live in an Amish village….that seems to be ‘the look’. You’re saying we’re moving beyond all of that?

SR: Absolutely, let’s just say a dude who looks like he just stepped out of a Jack Kerouac or Mark Twain novel is NOT COOL ANY MORE. Ladies, if you wanna look 'alternative' don't dress the same as all of your indie friends. I don’t want to coin a phrase here, but we’re calling it the ‘end of history’.

RNOW: I think that one’s already been taken ….. but it is mind-blowing….and concerning I’m sure for the fashion industry. What advice do you have for people making a living out of a significant part of the population mindlessly following trends? Surely the end of cyclical styling demolishes their business model?

SR: I don’t know, it depends on how far this thing catches on. The mainstream will be fine .. they’ll carry on regardless. It’s the niche ones that should be concerned. Their target market is currently trying to be 'different' or 'autherntic' ..... by all slavishly conforming with an accepted dress code: tight jeans, bad shoes and thick-rimmed glasses …. there's also the ‘little sister southern gothic’ look you seem to be so fond of. The next hipster cohort coming through the ranks now are ‘sleepers’. They seem to be saying “screw you, I’m soo freakin cool I won’t even give you the pleasure of deriding at me for looking cooler than you”. ……….

RNOW: WOW, if you’ll excuse the hackneyed expression…that IS post-modern.

SR: Yes and no. These guys, being human, will still want to identify with one another and differentiate themselves from the great unwashed. Andy wasn't a complete idiot, you know. However, this will be through very subtle and nuanced signs. An entirely new nomenclature of dressing … no ‘being’ ….. is being cooked up in NYC, San Francisco …. and Iowa. The industry will just have to smarten up and pick up on the new semiotics. There’s a young designer in Soho called Terence Tse currently perfecting a facial expression. I think it’s called “deliberate indifference”. He’ll patent this and sell it in exclusive boutiques fronting as soup kitchens…… That sort of thing

RNOW: Wow, Vice Magazine are in for a rough ride. Thanks so much for your time, Samuel.

SR: .... Tell you what, I won’t miss those Hitler youth haircuts the current lot insist on sporting.