In a shocking revelation bound to make dwellers of inner suburbs, not to mention the boutique fashion industry tremble, Samuel Ringbinder, veteran NYC fashionista, style icon and muse has declared the end of fashion as we know it.
In an exclusive interview with RNOW, Ringbinder said that the current hipsters are not hip at all, implying that there are simply too many of them and they’ve become predictable: “let’s just say a dude who looks like he just stepped out of a Jack Kerouac or Mark Twain novel is NOT COOL ANY MORE.”
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| Adios, spaghetti limbs |
The new breed of cool people, provisionally labelled ‘sleepers’ by Ringbinder, will seamlessly blend in with mainstream society, making them virtually indistinguishable from normal people. Ringbinder says these fashionistas will take things to the next level by looking just lke “your ordinary 42-y.o. accountant” or “hockey fan” essentially saying “screw you, I’m soo freakin cool I won’t even give you the pleasure of deriding me for looking cooler than you”.
Mathematical certainty
Veteran Professor of Mathematics Tyrone Slothrop, who as a young officer studied the distribution German V2 rocket impact sites during the Blitz, recently turned his attention to tracking fashion trends.
“Originally, markers for hipness such as wispy moustaches or improbably skinny limbs would appear in a Poisson-type distribution around the center of major metropolises. However, a year or two ago, this began to undergo what my research team have termed, the ‘Montreal Transition’ and we are now seeing complete saturation of inner suburbs with fixed gear bicycles, ironic footwear and, gosh … the delicious symmetry of it …. WW2 haircuts!” The old models and paradigms no longer apply, according to Slothrop.
Ray of hope for the industry
However, in a sign that all may not be lost for the fashion industry, Ringbinder said that sleepers “will still want to identify with one another and differentiate themselves from the rest. However, this will be through very subtle and nuanced signs. An entirely new nomenclature of dressing … no ‘being’ ….. is being cooked up in NYC, San Francisco …. and Iowa. The industry will just have to smarten up and pick up on the new semiotics.”
Vice Magazine editors Rocco Castoro and Andy Capper were unavailable for comment on whether the emergence of this new ‘trend’ will render the magazine’s popular photo section obsolete.
Deliberately indifferent
Heralding another emerging trend, according to Ringbinder, young up and coming Soho designer Terence Tse is finalizing a facial expression called “deliberate indifference”, which will be sold as ‘fashion’ in exclusive boutiques. The sale will include ‘wearer training’ and bespoke patenting by on-site lawyers.
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| Terence Tse (seen here not modelling ‘deliberate indifference’) |
Interesting times in fashion. RNOW would love to hear from fashionistas out there….
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